I once read an article by Deborah Tannen about how men and women communicate differently with language. One example she illustrated was how men interpret complaints from women as a request to fix the problem. I never really noticed that until today when I complained to my boyfriend about my mom. Here goes the conversation...
Me: Oh my God...guess what?
Bf: What?
Me: My friggin mom never came home last night! And she didn't even open her shop today because she is still at the casino. What the hell is wrong with her?
Bf: Really? Wow..I can't believe it.
Me: I know...like she needs to know her responsibilities and get her priorities straight.
Bf: Well why don't you open the shop for her. She must not wanna work, so why don't you guys help her.
Me: Wtf...that's not the point. The point is that she should know she should gamble that much to the point that she's not going to work. And plus she has the key so how the hell am I gonna open it.
Bf: Well now you know next time to make a copy of the key in case she does it again.
Me: She shouldn't even be doing that!
Like damn, I got soooooooooooo irritated that he was saying, "oh why don't you guys help her" and "why don't you open the shop for her." We ended up arguing more and more to the point where both of us didn't even want to talk to each other anymore. I kept thinking in my head, "What the hell is his problem? Why would he even say that?" I was more expecting him to just let me vent my frusteration, telling me that my mom is wrong for doing that...but what do I get in return? A suggestion to make a copy of the shop key so I can open her shop when she decides to skip work to gamble. WOW!
His response to my complaint really boggled my mind until I started thinking about Tannen's article. I realized that he was trying to provide me with his solution to my complaint! My complaint in his eyes is a request for him to fix the problem when in reality I just wanted to express my frusteration to someone. Wow Tannen, I must say you really figured out this one...men and women truly have a different language from each other...I mean yeah, we all speak English, but the meanings and interpretations are totally different from each other. Women are more about sharing with each other...like sharing a thought, secret, moment, or anything that builds a relationships; however, men are more about the competition with each other...and when you put both of them together, oh what a mix you get! Now after analyzing the whole conversation between my boyfriend and me, I find it so funny! I guess you can say that Sociology class was pretty applicable to a point in life!
No comments:
Post a Comment